Hey peepz!
Recently an official unicorn got into contact with me:
I sat her down for an interview about her home planet. This is what I found:
Missy: Thank you for
coming to our interview today.
MysticUnicorn: It’s my pleasure, young lady.
Missy: *slightly creeped out* Uh… yeah. So, where are you
from?
MysticUnicorn: I’m from a magical planet devoted completely to
the care and wellbeing of the humble unicorn.
Missy: Can you tell me what it was like?
MysticUnicorn: It was a beautiful place. The sky was deep
purple in contrast to the sweet pink powder that covered the ground. If you
licked the powder, it would taste of candyfloss and strawberry bubble gum.
There were rivers and ponds full of something resembling lemonade to drink. In
the days, we would frolic in the meadows of endless flowers. At night, we would
curl up asleep in our very own cotton-leaf pod on the great unicorn tree to
sleep.
Missy: The great unicorn tree?
MysticUnicorn: It was the main tree of Unicorncopia, our
homeland. Every unicorn that has ever existed was documented onto the bark of
that tree. We make our homes there and live our lives there, it is our
sanctuary.
Missy: Oh. It sounds lovely.
MysticUnicorn: It was.
Missy: If your homeland was so great, how come you left it?
MysticUnicorn: *sighs* It was a long time ago. I was just a
young foal with my mother when the dark unicorns came and burned down the great
unicorn tree, leaving us homeless. Eventually, they drove us out of candy
planes and into the wilderness. Only a few of us were chosen to come to earth
for its rich rice reserves, me included. Unfortunately, we were followed by the
dark unicorns.
Missy: So there are dark unicorns on earth?
MysticUnicorn: Oh yes. The dark unicorns love destruction
and death, along with the taste of human flesh. These are the ones who try to
eat humans so badly, though the good ones are desperate to stop them.
Missy: Should we be worried about these dark unicorns?
MysticUnicorn: Oh yes. They can strike at any time and any
place.
Missy: Like right here? O_O
MysticUnicorn: *giggles and pulls out a knife* Were you
listening to me at all?
Missy: O_O Oh poop.
*We are sorry for this inconvenience. Please stand by*
MysticUnicorn: Hello again dear humans. I’m sorry for that
brief intermission.
Missy: *tied up* Don’t listen to her! We’ve been tricked!
MysticUnicorn: I have a message for all of you out there,
including the good unicorns in hiding. We will find you, and when we do, we
will tie you up and dine on your flesh. Please make no attempt to resist us and
surrender all your rice immediately. Do that and we might allow you to live.
MIGHT.
Missy: Oh no you don’t! This is MY blog! *attacks her with
chair*
*Transmission ended*
You see peepz? THE UNICORNS HAVE LIED!
Most of them are evil, but some of them are good. We must find the good unicorns and band together to stop them!
THIS WILL NOT RUIN UNICEMBER! CHOOSE YOUR SIDE NOW!
